Okay so in the spirit of full disclosure, you should know that God isn’t done with me yet. But when it comes to being a husband, I can say I’ve come a long way.
When I first got married, I thought it was about me. I’ve got this beautiful wife there to serve me and meet my needs day in and day out…RIGHT? Wrong!!!!
When I first got married, I thought it was about me.
There were so many childish thoughts and actions I had at the beginning of my marriage, but as I’ve matured some things have changed…and so has my marriage.
When I matured, I stopped trying so hard to prove I was still a man.
I must admit, at times, I felt I had to beat my chest to prove I was still in control. I was defensive if my wife asked a question about where I was going or what I was doing. And then, one day I realized how childish I was.
When I matured, I realized it wasn’t about control, but about concern. And, it doesn’t make me weak for taking my wife’s feelings and schedule into consideration. I realized it wasn’t about asking for permission it was about being considerate.
When I matured, I stopped running away from vulnerability.
I used to feel that not showing emotion and keeping things in was asserting my manhood.
When I matured, I realized that if I can’t be vulnerable with my wife, then I can’t be vulnerable with anyone. It was such a relief to finally let it all out! It was also a relief to admit to her that I didn’t always know what to do or what path to take, and she comforted me rather than berate me. The maturity I gained in that aspect unearthed a new peace for me.
When I matured, I became more conscious about edifying my wife in public and to others.
I used to always want to play it cool about how awesome my wife was by downplaying it to others.
When I matured, I realized how powerful it is to edify and uplift my wife. She is awesome in so many ways and I don’t mind letting folks know that now. It doesn’t make me sprung….we’ll wait maybe it does….and I’m cool with that!
When I matured, I stopped thinking my wife was trying to control me.
I used to get so defensive when my wife would send me those “honey do” lists or send me text messages about things that needed to get done. I used to take it as her trying to give me orders or treat me like a child. In fact, I would often say “I’m not your child that you give chores to.”
When I matured, I realized that she was just trying to get things done so that she could create a good environment for her family. How silly of me! I must admit sometimes I still roll my eyes at the lists, but now I know it’s not about controlling me or dictating, she’s asking for help in getting things done in the home and life that we share.
When I matured, I understood the difference between SEX and INTIMACY.
I used to think that if there were periods of time where my wife and I weren’t having a lot of sex that it meant something was wrong. I would take it personal and sometimes it would create some tension.
When I matured, I realized that sometimes being intimate is even more powerful than sex. Sometimes it’s the holding of hands on the couch, or the long embraces in the kitchen, or the date nights and compliments, and showing of appreciation for one another that is creating the intimacy. I’ve learned that true intimacy is about closeness and not just about orgasms.
I wish I could sit here and act like I was perfect and that my marriage is perfect, but the truth is that it’s not. The difference, though, is that I am okay with that and I know that it’s a journey. And that journey is so much more enjoyable with my wife and watching us grow together is more powerful than any “perfect” union. I love my wife and she loves me. And yes, we still get on each other’s nerves sometimes, but our marriage is so much better as I continue to grow and mature as a husband.